WWE Total Divas Report 9/8/13

Total Divas

-Eva Marie got a call from a Senior Vice President in WWE about a offer from Maxim for Eva to do a photo shoot. Eva is ecstatic!

WWE Total Divas Report 9/8/13:

Total Divas-The Bellas are signing autographs for fans and have a talking head moment where they reflect on coming back to the company and how things have been non-stop since coming back, but they would have it no other way!

-Vincent and Ariane are at their apartment and Vincent wants to go to Ari’s red carpet event that she is going to. Ariane shockingly reveals that things aren’t great between the two of them. Clips of last week’s show where Vinny got drunk and obnoxious in Vegas are shown. Ariane reveals that while she doesn’t want to dwell on it, she still doesn’t want to look at him.

-At John Cena’s place, John is getting some physical therapy and stretching done. Nikki walks in and he stretches her out, but not in a dirty way. No, Cena makes the dirty comment as the camera shoots right down her shirt! When Nikki finishes she whispers how much more flexible she is!

-The girls have dinner at some random diner in some random town and Eva Marie reveals that Maxim wants to shoot her. With cameras. With cameras! Natalya says that Eva has an “it factor” and JoJo is jealous because she is falling behind Eva Marie already.

-At JoJo and Eva Marie’s place, JoJo practices singing “The Star Spangled Banner.” JoJo says that singing is her passion, but she has never been trained, and that she wants to be the new National Anthem singer at WWE events. Eva Marie is catty in her talking head that she thinks that JoJo should pick either singing or wrestling.

-The girls meet for yet another meal. Eva Marie lets the Bellas know about Maxim and Ariane drops “the bomb” that Vinny wants to meet her parents. Oh the horror! Ariane suspects that Vinny wants to meet her family to ask her dad for her hand in marriage. Ariane dances around answering questions about him being the one. Is it just me or does every conversation on this show about marriage involve one person who just doesn’t know? Nikki tells Ari that she doesn’t feel the love between her and Vinny like Nikki feels between her and John.

-At Raw, The Funkadactyls have a match with The Bellas. During the match, Nikki injured her knee after being whipped to the floor by Kaitlyn. Nikki’s shin jammed into her kneecap and she is shown limping backstage. Nikki tells a story about an old shin injury when she played soccer as a teenager and she had serious work done to it. Brie calls herself and Nikki a brand and that she needs to see a doctor because if she goes away, Brie will go away. Brie gives Nikki a few days to tell WWE before she does because Nikki thinks she can work through it.

-Out in the City of Angels, Eva Marie shows up to her Maxim photo shoot. Eva is blown away by how first-class the set-up is and she finally feels like a Diva! She wears some provocative swimsuits and it is commented that she can really pose. Does standing there and smiling count as talent?

-Nikki tells John Cena about her injury, and he thinks that she needs to have it checked out immediately. He wonders why she spends hours in a spa or getting her hair did, but won’t take five minutes out to check out an injury? Nikki is worried that she will be off for a year and that would kill her career. Too bad she doesn’t have the same concerns about this show!

-Ariane has her dog’s nails done. The dog gets a mani/pedi? Sweet mercy! Ariane and Vinny talks more about him meeting her parents.

-Eva Marie and JoJo dish about the Maxim shoot and Eva shows her a few proofs from the shoot. Eva notices that JoJo isn’t happy or excited about the shoot. She digs into why she is acting strange, but JoJo plays her cards close to the vest. Eva Marie comments that she doesn’t have time for her childish games and for her being a “crabass.” Eva is always behind JoJo and cheering her on, but when she has something big going for her, JoJo is stone-faced. What a yotch!

-Jon Uso trains with Trinity and JoJo. JoJo pitches her idea of singing at a WWE event and Trinity is behind her. Jon wants them to train! Trinity is supportive and offers to be out with her in case she screws up, then they both look bad. Trinity then suggests that she sings the Planet Funk theme song and bring Ariane in on it. Jon Uso playfully says that if they sing like they work out, it will be terrible!

-At the doctor’s office, Nikki has a bone scan, white spots are shown (which indicate injury, I’m told), and she has to let WWE know about it.

-Nikki and Brie are driving around and Nikki thinks that she should keep the news quiet until after Summerslam. Brie is pissed that Nikki would be so selfish about her injury.

-Natalya and Eva Marie are now driving around and Natalya talks about taking leaks. Lovely, very lovely. Natalya compares getting frustrated with T.J. with Eva’s problems with JoJo. They both cluck like a bunch of hens and Natalya makes a Hooters joke, only to find out that Eva used to work there!

-Trinity and JoJo record them singing the Planet Funk theme, as Trinity’s dad is connected in the music world and got them studio time. JoJo sounds good, but Trinity…not so much!

-Vincent and Ariane have dinner at Vincent’s house, and she brings the dog for some reason. Vincent’s dad pours a shot of brown liquor, Ariane winces at the shot and then puts it down, so he gives her a look. Mr. Vincent then jokes that she stay away from his son and then mentions grandkids. Ariane lets both of the men know that she doesn’t want kids for at least seven years while she has a career, which knocks the wind out of the sails of Vinny’s dad.

-Back at the Eva Marie and JoJo compound, Eva finally sees that there is competition between her and JoJo. JoJo talks to Jane in Talent Relations, who thinks the demo she heard was amazing and will try to come up with something for her to sing. JoJo reveals that her debut will be singing on Raw!

-In the car, Ariane makes out with her dog and Vinny thinks it is gross to kiss a dog on the lips. Vincent has a surprise for her, as he takes her bling shopping. He offers to buy her a diamond ring and Ariane freaks out! Ariane doesn’t like the pressure and walks out. Vincent chases after her and she tells him that “It’s not you, it’s me,” “I need some time,” “Let’s be friends,” “I’m washing my hair,” “I’m moving to Paris to be a model,” “There is someone else,” etc. You know, all the usual break-up lines, and they break up.

-Nikki and Brie meet with the WWE trainer and he reveals that she has a significant stress fracture on her shin. He gives her four weeks on crutches with no weight, four weeks on crutches with minor pressure on the knee, and then four weeks of light walking. He thinks at least three months of recovery time. Nikki cries that it is her fault for not looking out for her body that now she is out for three months.

-JoJo and the Funkadactyls practice their singing and dancing. Vince McMahon makes his first Total Divas appearance when we walks by and offers encouragement. Trinity then lets it be known that she has a serious cough and is worried that she will hack a lung on stage.

-Ariane, JoJo, and Trinity head out to sing the Planet Funk theme. Shots of the crowd plugging their ears are shown. Eva Marie states that this is what JoJo gets for not supporting her.

And, now, a reading from my June 26 recap of Main Event: “The Funkadactyls and some other girl sing Brodus Clay’s theme to bring out Tons of Funk. They all dance and have a good time because that is what it is all about, I guess. Random girl has a good voice, I’ll give her that. Cameron and Naomi…I don’t know about, they are kind of mumbling. Josh introduces the random girl as Jo-Jo and she will be on ‘Total Divas’ when it debuts this summer.”

-The Funkadactyls come backstage and they know it bombed, but they still try to put a positive spin on it. JoJo calls it an epic fail and is unsure what her next move will be.

-Mark from Talent Relations meets with The Bellas and he tells Nikki that she can’t go out limping, so she is being sent home because a Diva isn’t seen limping and on crutches. The doctors don’t know how it is going to heal and Nikki thinks her career is over before she turns 30. Nikki and Brie are shown leaving the room as Total Divas fades out.

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